simplicity;

Tuesday, March 21, 2006
what if..

last night i was feeling extremely emotional.
i just sat in front of the computer and started crying.
my brother contributed & started all this.
but the main reason of course wasnt because of him. hah.

everyone have diff groups of friends.

we've always been catagorising our friends in best, good, normal, since primary school.
over the years, i have a couple of friends that's really been great towards me, many of whom do not really share the same interst as me, but surprisingly, nature just does its work and happened to mould us into best friends, buddies.
haha. i am grateful for this.
for the thought of them sometimes make me feel less sad.
i shallnt mention who r my buddies cause u know u r. `wink

of course other ppl will catagorise their friends as well.
i might not be on many ppl's 'best' list, but i take comfort in knowing that i actually have friends who put me in their best list.

sometimes i wish u are willing to give me the chance to even try to be better friends (just friends, really, dun anyhow think) .
unfortunately u dont seem to want to speak to me even.
if thats the case, so be it.
its your right anyway.
and i ain't in no position to ask of you to maybe even chat.
i understand, but i dont accept.

things would be so much easier if i have a few problems, worries, or troubles less.
hah.
all these come with the hustle and bustle of city life.
even though i've yet to experience adulthood, i am starting to feel what its like being one.
not only because of the bills, more importantly is the way u manage things.
how will u react when someone intimidates u.?
at this age, we're filled with hot blood.
as age catches up with us, we've experienced more in life, and will know what's the right way to handle whichever situation is thrown at us.
if u already have this maturity essential in wishing to stay well afloat in this society, then congratulations.
if u dont, fret not, u know someone else in this world doesnt yet, thats me. =)

but have u thought of this, what if u neednt worry about all these at all.?!
wouldnt it be great.?!
hah.
the only way that's possible is if you're not alive, or you were never born.
unfortunately, anyone who's reading this right now dont have the luxury of this.
i'm not asking anyone to go commit suicide, neither am i thinking of it.
since born in this world, u have to meet with the challenges thrown at u.
commiting suicide would be the 'stupidest' thing to do.

u have to think.
and after u think, go ahead with what u think is the best way.
here i'm not talking about how u handle problems.
its more of an escape for me.

sometimes i wish i didnt have family.
then i neednt worry what will happen to them if i went away.
esp when u have a sister so young and a brother so useless.

if i have settled everything and am ensured that everything will be fine for them esp financially, i will make my escape.

to be continued...
(gtg bathe le.! meeting lyn, reen, yuwen & kelly later.!) yea, what a strange combi. hah.

8:15 AM